And The Changes Keep Coming
Posted by JesuSlaveX | Posted in Marraige, Parenting | Posted on 7:24 AM
There are moments when I wish this would slow down a bit. With my rejection of Christianity and adoption of a Neo-Pagan belief I experience something profound almost every few days. Its almost exhausting. Now that Father's Day was over I thought I would be able to have a smooth ride for at least a week without something happening. I was wrong.
Hey! Day after Father's Day! The wife and I planned on going out to an improve comedy show at a bar in Asheville. Now, we were both stressing as the day came because this is the first time we've left the kids with someone for over an hour and only the second date night my wife and I have had in about 2 years. We were long overdue. But, this is a massively complex scenario. Lyric's Diabetes was the real playing factor in all this. Jessies mom took the pump training course months ago and has watched Lyric for an hour here and there while we ran to the store or what-not. Nothing hardcore. She knew the pump well enough to give proper insulin and knew how to use carb factors. On the other side of the coin is Dorian. The little man loves his mama. If he wakes up at any time after going down for the night, he wants mommy and come hell of high water he will get it. So, we were stressing. A lot! We agreed to let the kids stay up as late as they wanted. This way Lyric feels like she is having a special visit with Grandma as she RARELY goes to bed past 8pm. And Dorian will pass out and be oblivious to the world until at least midnight. Our plan is perfect. All we needed was for Lyric to have good Glucose numbers during the day to get her properly set up, and she did. Holy shit this just might happen.
Laura came over around 6:30. Jessie went through 30 minutes of explanation of proper child care and kitchen layout tactics. I literally had to shove her out the door. For her sake though, I was right there with her, but I'm more of an internal kind of person.
MONDAY
AT THE SHOOOoooWWWwww!!! 1
The bar was an interesting place. Non-descript, kind of slightly maybe in a location that could be referred to as out in the middle of nowhere. But a nice place. We received a VERY warm welcome when we walked in by all our friends. They understand that we cant get out very often due to our situation and I cant appreciate them more for sticking in there with us. Its been a hard couple of years. We pulled up a table, ordered some hot wings and alcohol and watched our friends, the OXYMORONS, do their thing.
It was a fantastic show. Funny as hell. We sat and laughed for a few hours, ate good food, and drank. Unfortunately, I was the DD so I could be nearly the lush that my 3 Sex On The Beach wife was. But that's ok! It was still a hoot! Though it was somewhat tainted by our worry of Lyric's sugars. Laura was awesome enough to send us text messages of her readings and what she was doing with her food. We stayed 100% informed and it was a relief. After the show we sat around and talked to all of our friends we haven't seen outside our own home in a while. We got to be adults for a change.
Now, all of my friends who where acting in the show have been with me for over 10 years. They have stuck with me through some of the hardest parts of my life and all of the weird feelings that come from that. This also includes my recent rejection of Christianity. they were happy for Jessie and I. Really happy. Not that we rejected our faith, but that we found something that we KNEW was right for us and wasn't judgemental or hate filled. It was like being the old Mike again. I missed that little bastard. We only got to stay for about an hour after the show, but it was one of the best hours I've had for 2 years......socially of course!
When we got home, Dorian had crashed and was put to bed. Little guy just couldn't hang. Lyric was still up and didn't want to see Grandma leave. After a 10 minute exhaustion caused melt down, she finally went to bed and fell asleep in under 5 seconds. The wife and I stayed up until about 1:30 and went to bed. It was a good day. I've had too many of those back to back. Something is bound to happen.
TUESDAY
The Blow Up
When a couple changes something in their lives as big as we have, certain things need to be discussed. We have changed our views on a major cornerstone of our perceptions of morality and goodness, and that trickles down into a huge amount of other topics. One of them caused us to have the first major blowup since our exodus.
During a heated discussion, my wife asked me if she had let me know sooner that she was a Wiccan, would I have left her. Now for a refresher, she told me this after a few years of keeping it a secret because at the time I was a fundamentalist evangelical christian. Most christian based marriages that are as hardcore as I thought we were don't make it through something like that. The Bible referrs to that as being "unequally yolked" and is HIGHLY frowned upon in the style of Christianity that we were involved in. I told her that I might have left her if she had told me sooner. That response didn't go well even though this was all in concept.
I understood why she was hurt by that. In my previous life I was able to not judge most people. I didn't mind gays, Islam, or anything else that the church told me that I should hate. Hate is just not something that was ever in me. Oh I despise a few things, but I don't hate. But being unequally yolked was something entirely different. I married a Christian woman. People in my life told me that she was good because she was a christian, as if it was some blueprint for the perfect marriage. But, I would have judged her for not only not being a christian, but a Wiccan, the absolute symbol of everything that I thought was evil. I would have judged her because she was no longer the woman I married. Pretty foolish huh? I'm sure we would have worked it all out of course. We love each other and have been through much worse than that. But it certainly would have made things difficult to the point that in the long run I don't think it would have worked out. After a few hours of tears and fighting, we finally reached the resolution.
Since the great conversion, I have had the opportunity to talk to people in my life that I knew well and apologize for being a judgemental christian asshole. But I finally realized that I never apologized to my wife. I never told her that I was sorry that I tried to fit her in to this mold of what I wife should be to a Christian man. I never apologized to her for my expectations of her being a housewife. I never apologized to her for being angry at her for not conducting herself as a christian woman. I finally got to. And damn it I cried again. What the hell is wrong with me! I'm not a crier! My wife has seen me cry maybe once in the past 3 years. She has now seen me cry twice in a week. I guess the typical christian standard for a man being strong and hard that I've been holding myself up to is starting to crumble. As much as I don't like being vulnerable like that, its very freeing and I'm sure there's more to come. I have always thought that a man like me doesn't cry. I guess I was wrong about that too. My only fear is that I become a blubbering fool and cry at the drop of a hat.
Old Mike was a prick. I've faced that. But new Mike is a taco made of bad ass drenched in awesome sauce. I'm liking how this is going. I wonder what will happen over the next few days. I'm actually looking forward to finding out!
Hey! Day after Father's Day! The wife and I planned on going out to an improve comedy show at a bar in Asheville. Now, we were both stressing as the day came because this is the first time we've left the kids with someone for over an hour and only the second date night my wife and I have had in about 2 years. We were long overdue. But, this is a massively complex scenario. Lyric's Diabetes was the real playing factor in all this. Jessies mom took the pump training course months ago and has watched Lyric for an hour here and there while we ran to the store or what-not. Nothing hardcore. She knew the pump well enough to give proper insulin and knew how to use carb factors. On the other side of the coin is Dorian. The little man loves his mama. If he wakes up at any time after going down for the night, he wants mommy and come hell of high water he will get it. So, we were stressing. A lot! We agreed to let the kids stay up as late as they wanted. This way Lyric feels like she is having a special visit with Grandma as she RARELY goes to bed past 8pm. And Dorian will pass out and be oblivious to the world until at least midnight. Our plan is perfect. All we needed was for Lyric to have good Glucose numbers during the day to get her properly set up, and she did. Holy shit this just might happen.
Laura came over around 6:30. Jessie went through 30 minutes of explanation of proper child care and kitchen layout tactics. I literally had to shove her out the door. For her sake though, I was right there with her, but I'm more of an internal kind of person.
MONDAY
AT THE SHOOOoooWWWwww!!! 1
The bar was an interesting place. Non-descript, kind of slightly maybe in a location that could be referred to as out in the middle of nowhere. But a nice place. We received a VERY warm welcome when we walked in by all our friends. They understand that we cant get out very often due to our situation and I cant appreciate them more for sticking in there with us. Its been a hard couple of years. We pulled up a table, ordered some hot wings and alcohol and watched our friends, the OXYMORONS, do their thing.
It was a fantastic show. Funny as hell. We sat and laughed for a few hours, ate good food, and drank. Unfortunately, I was the DD so I could be nearly the lush that my 3 Sex On The Beach wife was. But that's ok! It was still a hoot! Though it was somewhat tainted by our worry of Lyric's sugars. Laura was awesome enough to send us text messages of her readings and what she was doing with her food. We stayed 100% informed and it was a relief. After the show we sat around and talked to all of our friends we haven't seen outside our own home in a while. We got to be adults for a change.
Now, all of my friends who where acting in the show have been with me for over 10 years. They have stuck with me through some of the hardest parts of my life and all of the weird feelings that come from that. This also includes my recent rejection of Christianity. they were happy for Jessie and I. Really happy. Not that we rejected our faith, but that we found something that we KNEW was right for us and wasn't judgemental or hate filled. It was like being the old Mike again. I missed that little bastard. We only got to stay for about an hour after the show, but it was one of the best hours I've had for 2 years......socially of course!
When we got home, Dorian had crashed and was put to bed. Little guy just couldn't hang. Lyric was still up and didn't want to see Grandma leave. After a 10 minute exhaustion caused melt down, she finally went to bed and fell asleep in under 5 seconds. The wife and I stayed up until about 1:30 and went to bed. It was a good day. I've had too many of those back to back. Something is bound to happen.
TUESDAY
The Blow Up
When a couple changes something in their lives as big as we have, certain things need to be discussed. We have changed our views on a major cornerstone of our perceptions of morality and goodness, and that trickles down into a huge amount of other topics. One of them caused us to have the first major blowup since our exodus.
During a heated discussion, my wife asked me if she had let me know sooner that she was a Wiccan, would I have left her. Now for a refresher, she told me this after a few years of keeping it a secret because at the time I was a fundamentalist evangelical christian. Most christian based marriages that are as hardcore as I thought we were don't make it through something like that. The Bible referrs to that as being "unequally yolked" and is HIGHLY frowned upon in the style of Christianity that we were involved in. I told her that I might have left her if she had told me sooner. That response didn't go well even though this was all in concept.
I understood why she was hurt by that. In my previous life I was able to not judge most people. I didn't mind gays, Islam, or anything else that the church told me that I should hate. Hate is just not something that was ever in me. Oh I despise a few things, but I don't hate. But being unequally yolked was something entirely different. I married a Christian woman. People in my life told me that she was good because she was a christian, as if it was some blueprint for the perfect marriage. But, I would have judged her for not only not being a christian, but a Wiccan, the absolute symbol of everything that I thought was evil. I would have judged her because she was no longer the woman I married. Pretty foolish huh? I'm sure we would have worked it all out of course. We love each other and have been through much worse than that. But it certainly would have made things difficult to the point that in the long run I don't think it would have worked out. After a few hours of tears and fighting, we finally reached the resolution.
Since the great conversion, I have had the opportunity to talk to people in my life that I knew well and apologize for being a judgemental christian asshole. But I finally realized that I never apologized to my wife. I never told her that I was sorry that I tried to fit her in to this mold of what I wife should be to a Christian man. I never apologized to her for my expectations of her being a housewife. I never apologized to her for being angry at her for not conducting herself as a christian woman. I finally got to. And damn it I cried again. What the hell is wrong with me! I'm not a crier! My wife has seen me cry maybe once in the past 3 years. She has now seen me cry twice in a week. I guess the typical christian standard for a man being strong and hard that I've been holding myself up to is starting to crumble. As much as I don't like being vulnerable like that, its very freeing and I'm sure there's more to come. I have always thought that a man like me doesn't cry. I guess I was wrong about that too. My only fear is that I become a blubbering fool and cry at the drop of a hat.
Old Mike was a prick. I've faced that. But new Mike is a taco made of bad ass drenched in awesome sauce. I'm liking how this is going. I wonder what will happen over the next few days. I'm actually looking forward to finding out!
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